Found Words – Alexandra Petri

As dairy products go, cheese reigns supreme. Milk is just a whitish liquid that reminds you that you are not yet mature enough to live alone. At first, you make an effort to drink it. But soon you slip.


“I am pretty sure I read a New York Times article that said this wasn’t necessary,” you mutter to yourself, and you decide to forget it. (The same thing happened to yoga and marriage.)

Then you open the refrigerator weeks later, and there it is, frantically scrawling equations all over the egg cartons. The eggs have been there so long that they hatched, led full lives and died.

“Hey,” the milk says. “I expired two months ago! Don’t throw me away! I’m sentient now, and I think I’ve developed a soul.”

Contrast this with cheese. When cheese goes bad, it just grows more cheese.

-“Blessed are the Cheesemakers,” ComPost blog 7/24/12, Alexandra Petri


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