It’s Hell Week for yet another show, a show I’m incredibly grateful to be doing even with the craziness of medical school spinning around me, and I find myself profoundly exhausted. After spending the past week answering everyone’s questions (and making things up when I don’t have an answer), painting or building sets for three to eight hours a day, and slogging through rehearsal, I find myself depleted of both patience and enthusiasm.
The show will be wonderful; I know that abstractly, and I find myself reassuring cast members of it multiple times each day. But in the here and now, all I feel is the strain of everyone expecting me to fix things, then being frustrated when it doesn’t come off perfectly. Without a doubt, I’ll be a bit fragile for the next week, a little more prone to temper or tears. During a grueling orchestra rehearsal today, a line from a show I was in a few years back came suddenly into my head, and thus with David Hare’s words, I ask for a little understanding as I try to get through this week.
Irwin: That isn’t fair.
Isobel: No, it isn’t. I only say it because I’m tired. That’s why I want to go. Please? Is that unreasonable? I want to go because I’ve no fairness left.
-The Secret Rapture