Written Words – Change/me

I’ve started going to the gym.
Not a lot,
because I don’t think I’ll ever really like it.
But more than I ever did before,
because I like feeling strong and in control.
I want to only lose my breath
when I choose to lose it.

I’ve started wearing my leather boots.
Not a lot,
because you can only walk so far in three inch spikes.
But more than I ever did before,
because even though I bought them for a sexy Halloween costume,
sometimes I like to feel sexy,
and not be pretending.

I’ve started putting on makeup.
Not a lot,
because I tend to forget and smear my eyeliner.
But more than I ever did before,
because sometimes I like to look in the mirror
and see a confident, professional woman
and know that she’s me.

I’ve started
going to the gym/
wearing my boots/
putting on makeup
and still sometimes I wonder,
is this who I want to be?
Or am I just trying to be noticed?

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