Written Words – (doubt)

It’s a little too early to seem a little late
a little too little sleep
and now I pay attention to voices I can’t even hear when I’m awake

gnawing on the edge of doubts
like yesterday’s fast food
fries left in the living room
the taste sitting in my mouth like I just woke up

bags and receipts scattered on the couch
— as if doubts could grow —
expanding in my stomach until they put butterflies to shame
that pain in the pit of my stomach when the same thoughts
keep eating my insides away

it started as a fallacy
conflating fun with good
as if there was no cost to false freedom
to give up good for fun
I wouldn’t eat the fun I found between couch cushons

and as far as I could see it was just a moment of indulgence
in wishing it was easy
tempting me with things I don’t even want
things I don’t even want to want

that’s what makes the doubt so pernicious
it’s just one fry
one moment of indulgence
one time thinking this doesn’t make sense
one left-over, fast food dinner on the couch

just one I promise myself

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